No matter the plan... we all Blog to Lose!
Losing weight sucks sometimes. Mentally anyway! There are days when I don't feel like I've lost anything. Then there are days when I feel like I'm a completely different person. There are days I look in the mirror and I'm happy (and proud) with how my body is changing. Then there are the days when I look in the mirror and I'm disgusted by what I see. There's a bit of loose skin, and my stomach looks awful. I hate to see myself in few clothes, so why would anyone else want to look at this (yes, I'm single, so dealing with that plus trying to lose weight is a whole different ballgame!). And then there are the days when I look in the mirror and I still see the fat girl that I've been all my life. I mean, I don't feel like anything's really changed in my life, except that I exercise more than I ever have! I'm waiting to look in the mirror and see a different person. I need to get over this. I know I'm still going to be me, just smaller, but I think I have issues accepting this sometimes...
Trying to find clothes is a challenge...The other day I was trying to find something to wear. Nothing seemed to fit right. Some clothes were too baggy. Other clothes were just a bit too small. Some just didn't feel right. I know that's normally nothing to complain about, but I was actually late for work just trying to find a coat to wear! This really is great, but it can be so frustrating at times. Do I buy a new coat? Just deal with the ones I have for now? Get rid of my big coats? What happens if I need to wear them again? I've been down this road before. I lost weight. Then I gained it back. I don't want to do that again, but what happens if I do?!
Here's the thing with me. I've lost 50 lbs. I still have about 40-50 lbs to go. Let's face it, I'm not even sure where I want to be. I was going to say I don't know where I want to be to make me happy, but then I don't think weight should dictate whether you're happy or not. I may need to lose 40lbs to be what is considered "ideal" for my height, but will I truly be happy at that point? I know I should be proud of how far I've come, but it scares me to look at how far I have yet to go. I've reached the almighty "Onederland", and ok, I'll be happy to stay in this range, but how much happier will I be when my BMI doesn't say OBESE, but NORMAL...or even just OVERWEIGHT? Truthfully, I may cry if I ever fit into a single digit size. I don't even know if I can get that far, but I'd like to. And like I said, I may cry. I don't think I've ever been a single digit size except when I was a really little kid!
Right now I've got to keep on doing what I'm doing. I'm losing weight (I'm trying not to weigh myself too often), and I'm normally feeling really good. Maybe I do need to go through all my clothes and get rid of anything that just doesn't feel comfortable anymore. Maybe purging my closet and dressers will give me a little closure and help me accept that I can do this, I can succeed, and I can move on and be happy with my progress, no matter how far I go!