Blog to Lose

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Week 7 ... I want to fail .... self sabotage !!!

So ... I am not even sure where to start ... 


PART ONE : Trigger

This past weekend all my family and husbands family came in town for our son Matthew's 3rd Birthday party! I counted points and did really well ... I even aloud myself to have yummy dessert every night (within points). But when I stepped on the scale Monday morning ... I had gained 2lbs ... I was so frustrated (It takes me a week to lose 1.5 and I gain 2 by eating well within my points) 


PART TWO: Downfall

So Tuesday I workout and did great very focused ... then during nap time ... I ate 3 ... yes 3 cupcakes! Yikes ... I didn't even want it ... but it was there and I went for it! I felt so sick ... so I told myself it was over and I was going to strap the boys into the double BOB and go for a 3 mile walk ... 


Thought I was over it ... Wednesday was awesome ... ran some errands ... ate great ... came home did Jillian Michael's NO MORE TROUBLE ZONES ... kicked my butt ... 


PART THREE: Realization 

Late Wednesday night I had some laughing cow and pretzel thins, then half an orange .... when my husband went to bed I thought to myself ... "oh we have cookie dough in the freezer" ... and I knew I shouldn't ... I knew it would erase all my hard work for that day ... but I went and got it and ate aton of it! Then of course I hid the container from my husband. .... I sat on the couch and asked myself "WHY" ... 


Then it hit me .... I WANT TO FAIL ... if I fail than I can give up and go back to doing whatever! 


So today is my weigh in day and I am up 4 lbs ... but I am starting over ... I committed to this journey for a year ... I am not giving up ... I am not going to let this make me believe that it is over ... I promise to give myself time to understand why I am the way I am ... I am 230 lbs because there are issues bigger than food ... bigger than I can understand ... but even though I gained weight this week ... I also gained knowledge about myself and my thinking ...  

I will see this thing out ... because I AM WORTH IT! 


Views: 5

Comment by Cindy M. on June 2, 2011 at 3:09pm

I am completely guilty of hiding containers from my boyfriend - hiding my eating from him, and lying about what I have indulged in - and how much.  I also don't know WHY I do this... it takes courage to be honest, to come clean and admit that we are self-sabotaging - good for you for seeing what you are doing and recognizing what it does to you! You'll get through this...


My new indulgence trick is yogurt - the awesome flavored ones - like Key Lime Pie, Apple Pie, Lemmon Chiffon - the ones that TASTE like dessert but don't even come in at 100 calories - now that's an indulgence I can love and live with!

Comment by Roni on June 6, 2011 at 3:46pm

Oh how I hear you! 


And for 15 years I self sabotaged too. I wish I could tell you exactly how I snapped out of it but I think it was a combination of things and you have to find your own combination. If it's any help I think you are on the right track juts by identifying it! 






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