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Up and down and back up.
Ugh, I'm in such a mood. I honestly don't know what it is anymore, I think it's just my mind rebelling at the thought of being "on" for 16 hours straight. Now that the husband is working earlier and earlier, I lost those 3 hours during which I could clean without having a child clinging to my knee or I don't know, take a 10 minute shower. I love my kids, but I need my time or I will crack. He's off tomorrow and Sunday and I know we both need it. I wish I could be all like, "SEE YA!" and be back 30 hours later. I don't know what I would do with free time, I'm just so tired I could sleep for another 20 hours.
Aside from complaining endlessly to myself, I have been trying to change all that negativity in my mind. I know the importance of watching what I tell myself or the dumb comments like the previous paragraph. It just gets hard to always be positive but it's a slippery road. We haven't been able to buy any more groceries but for quick trips to get milk, eggs, bread, necessities. My husband is now getting paid bi-weekly instead of daily (in cash) so it's an adjustment. A good one, but it happened a little too fast. I'm getting tired of the same meals and wish I had a chef inside my fridge with a full kitchen staffed by even more chefs. That'd be so cool.
I finally got the stationary bike set up in the living room yesterday but the kids thought it was a new toy. I tried setting it up behind the little safety gate by the bathroom but they wanted to climb over and started crying when they couldn't. I have gotten a grand total of 12 minutes on it in two days. The seat, I have to buy a cushion for it b/c it will break my bones. I'm not used to it, I guess that'll change? I don't know.
Church tomorrow and then coming home to decide whether I want to venture out with the kids and husband to a pool party. Whenever we go out, I'm the one that ends up watching the kids. He just has fun and talks and whatnot with the other people. That honestly pisses me off so much, he was there for the baby making, he should be there for the care taking.
I might just stay home and have him take one kid. We can divide and conquer. I just feel super pooped, it's 16 hours of nonstop... e/thing. They're so young, I can't stop watching them. I don't know if that makes sense. They can get into so much trouble if you just blink. Lol, this is why I'm crazy. I only have two eyes and they both stay locked together. I wish my eyes could go on separate directions. THAT would be cool.
Food sucks, but it's not horrible. I just don't have that much energy left to worry and stress over that, too. Not this Monday, but the next, things will go back to normal. Now it's just time to enjoy the ride and try to stop stressing out over e/thing and anything.
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Comment by Keem on September 16, 2012 at 8:09am -
I need my "ME" time, too.
I used to look forward to nap time so I could get a break-and it was soooo many years before I could use the bathroom without an audience. :P
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Comment by Cindy on September 16, 2012 at 11:41am -
You MUST get a break. I can hear it in your writing and can tell that 'on the edge' feeling. You are exhausted and stressed and I'm hoping you've been able to find some down time at some point this weekend. What about your mom? Could she help? Or is it possible to budget a baby sitter for a few hours once a week or every other week so you can get some relief? I don't have children but one week with my brother and his family this summer under the same roof wore ME out. I don't think I've ever experienced that much time under one roof with children and it certainly increased my already super high appreciation for parents and what they deal with day in and day out.....every single minute of every single day. I watched my sister-in-law do the bulk of the work and caring for the kids, breaking up fights, cooking, etc. It kind of pissed me off toward the end of the trip. I mean my brother helps out some but it certainly didn't look like an equal partnership if you asked me. Then, of course, since my sister-in-law was always the one preparing the food I felt guilty and helped her for each meal and bit my tongue almost off to keep the peace.
I hope you get some relief. You need it. You deserve it. This is your life, too!
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Comment by Brandy on September 16, 2012 at 9:20pm -
It has to be hard with the 24-hour childcare and not having hubby around as much. I hope you get some much needed time to yourself and get some rest so that you can be the best person (and mommy) you can be!
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Comment by Lynette S on September 17, 2012 at 12:16am -
Argh, I can totally relate, can you still give your kids nap or quiet time? The Kid still got quiet time (not during the school year, but during summer) until this last summer. I need an hour and a half to myself!
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Comment by Almost There on September 17, 2012 at 9:57am -
I've never been envious of stay at home moms! It seemed like such a super hard job. From my total outsider perspective, it seems that there is a really good reason for those little roving bands of mommies and their kids. Safety in numbers...
Maybe you can track down someone in a similar situation to share a few things with. You can hang out, let the kids entertain each other to a certain extent and get some co-cleaning, cooking, maybe even exercising done. Easier said than done certainly--maybe scope out some likely prospects from the nursery at church. Good luck! They will grow up and this will all seem like just a very small moment in time.
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Comment by Dee on September 17, 2012 at 6:23pm -
I echo everything Cindy said. You definitely sound at wit's end. And it's no wonder- you don't just have two kids- you have two kids barely a year apart, and they are still really young. It feels exhausting, because IT IS exhausting!! It's not your imagination and you are not complaining. People who have two kids 2 or 4 years apart still have a ton of work, but it's different and somewhat more manageable. That said, it is imperative that you find a way to get your rest. I know your sister has kids, can you guys give each other daily breaks? Or like AT said, find other SAHMs who you can rotate with? You really, really need it. My cousin has your same situation with two tiny ones 11 months apart, but she also has a helpful TEENAGE daughter who enjoys the little ones and totally helps out with absorbing their attention so mom can get other stuff done. Can you borrow someone's teenager?
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Comment by Shannon H. on September 22, 2012 at 8:37am -
I hope you got a break and some serious me-time!!! Every woman needs it.
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