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Today is the first day I made conscience efforts to not eat everything in front of me. 

My whole life I have had a love hate relationship with food, I love to eat it, but I hate how I feel about myself afterwards. I've never been a small girl I have no idea what it feel like to wear single digit clothing. I once got down to a size 12, but it lasted a week and then my stomach flu got better. I don't want to be a thin twig kind of girl. I love my curves as does my husband. I want to be able to not hate going shopping. I used to LOVE shopping for clothes. I used to love to wear skimpy tank tops in the summer and skirts and now it's painful just wearing shorts on a hot summer day.

I've tried the fad diets, the hours at the gym and watching every single bite I've taken. I hate it. I hate how I feel when I fail. I want for once to make this so simple it can't fail and I feel like I'm on the right track. I don't want to dread putting on a swimsuit or even a t-shirt that's supposed to be fitted. Somewhere between the high school me and the married mother of two me I lost myself to laziness and compliance. I gave up. I thought I could convince myself to be happy in this body and except that this is me, this is who I am. 

But the truth is this isn't me. This isn't the person I feel like I am. I may not ever be a size 2 and that's ok. Women weren't made to all be the same. So no matter what I can't compare myself and my story to anybody else's because my story is unique. My struggle with food is unique and how I conquer it is up to me!

Views: 18

Comment by Keem on March 19, 2012 at 8:35am

Welcome!
I think we've all tried fad diets at some point. :P

Comment by Snow_Dragon on March 19, 2012 at 9:55am

All of us have been there.  That's why this place is so great!  The support here is awesome and someone has felt what you are feeling and can help us through it.  You've made the first step!  Now you have to figure out how to tackle your issues - as you said, everyone's weight issues are their's uniquely.  On my blog I have a page on all the tools I use - my blog is at www.healthyselfjourney.blogspot.com if you want to go check it out.  There are tons of tools out there to keep us going!  You can do it!!  We'll all support you! 

Comment by Cindy on March 19, 2012 at 11:15am

I can really relate to your post. I think we've all probably been through that 'I'm happy in this body and who I am' phase. You have not given up and you WILL find the 'old' you again. I like that you know what you don't want - fad diets, countless gym hours, watching every bite, etc. I think it helps to know those things and know what you are comfortable with and what you aren't. Having said that, I think some sort of 'plan' might be helpful, even if it's something loose like a list of 'exercise at least 3 times a week' 'avoid X type of food and add more of Y'.  I look forward to hearing about your journey. I've been blogging here since last year and I still say that the support on BTL is the only thing that saved me and kept me going this time around. We're here for you! You CAN do this!

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