No matter the plan... we all Blog to Lose!
Today is the first day I made conscience efforts to not eat everything in front of me.
My whole life I have had a love hate relationship with food, I love to eat it, but I hate how I feel about myself afterwards. I've never been a small girl I have no idea what it feel like to wear single digit clothing. I once got down to a size 12, but it lasted a week and then my stomach flu got better. I don't want to be a thin twig kind of girl. I love my curves as does my husband. I want to be able to not hate going shopping. I used to LOVE shopping for clothes. I used to love to wear skimpy tank tops in the summer and skirts and now it's painful just wearing shorts on a hot summer day.
I've tried the fad diets, the hours at the gym and watching every single bite I've taken. I hate it. I hate how I feel when I fail. I want for once to make this so simple it can't fail and I feel like I'm on the right track. I don't want to dread putting on a swimsuit or even a t-shirt that's supposed to be fitted. Somewhere between the high school me and the married mother of two me I lost myself to laziness and compliance. I gave up. I thought I could convince myself to be happy in this body and except that this is me, this is who I am.
But the truth is this isn't me. This isn't the person I feel like I am. I may not ever be a size 2 and that's ok. Women weren't made to all be the same. So no matter what I can't compare myself and my story to anybody else's because my story is unique. My struggle with food is unique and how I conquer it is up to me!