just a rant.. or something

OK so I need to write.. and just get things off my chest, so I figured here would be the place to go.. has nothing to do with weight.. just life in general.... read.. dont read.. comment... dont.. whatever... just need to vent.. rant.. you get the point.. please forgive grammer and spelling errors.. i just dont feel like being proper tonight

first things first...

my dad called me last saturday and began his conversation with "are you sitting down?" "no" "you need to sit down, are you sitting" initiate panic voice "i am now, whats going on" in my mind im thinking 'oh shit what did you do?!" (he's sawed of his finger.. twice) so im thinking something happened to him.... anyways he finally tells me that my gramma (his mom) had had a heart attack about two weeks prior... my stomach feels like its in my throat... "wuh??" why am i just now finding this out?! two weeks later!! according to her and gramps, she had fainted after going to the kitchen during the night to get some water. she said that she never felt any symptoms. she thinks she may have been out for about 45 mins. she made her way back to the bedroom and got gramps to get her back into bed. they noticed over the next few days that she wasnt her normal self and finally got a doctors appointment to get checked out. after 3 specialists they determined that she infact had a heart attack and that one of the valves was about 75% shut causing the blood flow to her body and brain to be very limited. sooooo... this morning was open heart  surgery which she had to have otherwise she probably would only have about a year to live. so heart surgery it was. She went in at 7am and came out about 12.. everything went well. I got to see her for a very little time after work about 545 today.. I didnt stay long because i was starting to cry and gramps saw me so he pulled me out of the room to calm me down. this is the first scary thing to happen to a family member in my lifetime. i was later told that my gramma had infact died when she had her attack for about 2 mins.. and some kind of mircle brought her back to life. some how her heart started itself back up... (begin water works)... anyways she is icu till monday morning and then will be moved to another room for another 5-7 days...

next...

I am on a dating site.. i think ive discussed some things before... anyways.. ive talked with many guys.. few just an email here and there.. few texting and nothing more... one i started to date, then he decided to go faster than i was ready for and when i told him, he bounced... fine.. didnt need him anyways.. talked with a few more.. blah blah.. met one.. omg huge mistake.. long stringy greasy hair.. looked like he walked off a heavy metal rock set.. EW! lost his number real fast.. everything on paper was what i wanted until i met him in person.. bleh! well then i kinda gave up.. chatted with a few more.. met one guy, super sweet, hung out a few times.. then phased out with him.. wasnt boyfriend material.. talked with a few more.. meh.. texted one now for a few weeks.. talked about meeting, but have just been too busy with our schedules... eh.. we'll see..  I also started talking to another guy about 2 weeks ago.. emailed back and forth about a week, then started texting... hes super nice.. we met for coffee before work on weds, even came down to my area to meet.. we've been texting throughout the day and even call to chat for a decent amout of time... anyways... heres my little dalima... it could totally just be me.. who knows.. but i see a lot of my ex in him.. and im completely afraid that its gonna not let me open myslef up to him. i dont have walls up like i used to, so thats good.. but there is so much stuff that is similar from him to my ex.. for starters he works in the security business, graveyard/swing shifts.. so did my ex(a reason we fell apart)... he talks similar to my ex.. not verbage but just the way it comes across.. i dunno.. im probably being totally stupid... i was with my ex for so long.. i dont want the same things.. maybe the same things are ok but just in a different way... ugh.. i dunno... we'll see where this one goes.. i can say that i havent felt giddy like this in a while.. so thats nice..

ok thanks for listening... ughh.. night