No matter the plan... we all Blog to Lose!
I have not been this sick for so long! Seriously, I can't remember the last time I got this horrible of an upper respiratory infection. I started feeling kind of yuk last Sunday and it got a little worse each day. I took yesterday and today off of work to help recover and am getting better.
I have actually tried to stay on some sort of decent eating plan but it really hasn't worked. I haven't felt like cooking so my husband has been bringing food home at night. Surprisingly, I still have an appetite! Damn.
I haven't been to the gym in over a week. No real surprise there and I'm not killing myself over it. I have had zero energy for days on end. I'm proud of my husband, though, for keeping up with his exercising and going to the gym, etc during all this. I've always thought that if I stop, he will also.
I may be a little depressed. I really don't know. The stress of work is insane and many days I feel on the verge of just quitting. I seem to not have one minute to myself for anything. Nothing. I have the added work of teaching mostly advanced college level courses to high school students. This is because other unprofessional f**ks in my dept are allowed to refuse to teach anything but low level, low stress courses. But they say 'Oh but you don't know. I have a high student count.' Um, hello. I teach 2 of those courses also so get out of here. I get bitter when I watch these so called colleagues walk out every day hands free of any work. On top of that the stipended position that I have has the added responsibility for this one single year only of running a national conference.
Every day I battle with myself about why I signed on for another year and wonder how I'm going to get through this one. I try so hard to find and focus on the positive things. That amounts to my students and a handful of colleagues. But it's hard to focus on what's good with so much shit going on all the time, every day, day in and day out. Even though I am really sick and I think like a scientist I can't help but wonder if I somehow psychologically brought on part of this myself. You know what I mean? Like you just will yourself ill if you're feeling a little bad and wala - you're full blown sick! But I don't really believe in that stuff.
I know what a lot of people may be thinking and I tend to agree - 'At least you have a job.' 'Things could always be worse.' 'Focus on the positive!'
But right now this is where I'm at in my life. Sick and tired. Literally. Oh, and burned out 1 month into the school year. Yeah, that too.