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Honesty......

I wondered for a few too many minutes of what to title this post. I think what I stayed with - 'Honesty' - is the most fitting. So, here goes.......

I am HOME. HOME as in Mexico City where I live and work. I have known forever when I was coming home. I made the flight arrangements a long time ago. Yes, I'm a US citizen, grew up there, born and raised there and the US is HOME. But as long as I work and live overseas I'll always have that 2nd home or 'other' home. So, here I am.

I knew that as soon as I got here I just desperately wanted to get back to my routine of healthy eating and exercising. I did nothing to prepare for that. I just knew I wanted it. Period.

It started last night while I was packing. I just had to have a few last glasses of wine knowing that I wouldn't be throwing down that alcohol when I got here. I packed.....and packed.......and packed.......I had a short list of things that I knew I couldn't get here (or if I could, they would be at a tremendous price) - PB2, maple syrup, Crystal Light, Skinny Margarita mix, Rotel (if you're from Texas, you'll totally get Rotel!), etc.....In the end, I got all the packing done last night and shockingly, woke up without a hangover. On my way to the airport I just got even MORE of this 'Oh shit, I better get it all in NOW before I got back to healthy living' attitude. .... I don't know where it came from or why but I can't say I'm surprised. That's the ol' Cindy rearing her ugly head - ugly, ugly, ugly head. I had margaritas at the airport, wine on the plane and just went for a Chinese dinner with FOUR alcoholic and really weird- not so strong- but still expensive- drinks.

I feel so miserable that I can't even stand it. I'm more than full. I'm stuffed beyond belief even though it wasn't that much that I had to eat. I'm just stuffed and not comfortable. Appropriate punishment if you ask me! I deserve the misery!!!

I am writing this as more of a beware to others who are on a weight loss high right now. I mean I feel obligated to share what I'm going through. I believe in the writing about the 'good', 'bad' and 'ugly'.!!! (If you couldn't guess, right now it's 'ugly'!) The 'high' of weight loss eventually wears off. At some points this summer I felt like it wore off completely but I certainly hope not! I acknowledge that what has hit me is that realization that this is a life long battle. If it wasn't for BTL I sincerely cannot say that I'd be jumping back on this weight loss journey as fast as tomorrow. I have managed to dig back into old and horrible habits as fast as I got into the good ones.

So, tomorrow I am sleeping in (too many nights without a good night's sleep in a comfy bed) and gym and grocery store.

I can only thank you guys on here because I am SURE I would not feel as accountable otherwise!!

Back to the Cindy you all know!!! :)

0 members like this

Comment by Angie Y on August 1, 2012 at 1:37am: You've been MISSED! <3 Glad you are back girl!

Comment by Keem on August 1, 2012 at 8:05am: Victim to the old "swan song" before getting back into gear. I've done that so many times before.

Comment by Ali on August 1, 2012 at 9:30am: I have done the same before. And I didn't really have an excuse, except I just felt like it or I was going to start tomorrow. Roni has some articles on starting tomorrow and it is a really common reason some of us use to binge. Great job picking yourself up and moving on.

Comment by Erica on August 1, 2012 at 2:03pm: I've also used the same excuse countless times! What's important is that you are starting fresh today & you are making plans that will lead to success!

Comment by Dawn E on August 1, 2012 at 5:32pm: I think most of us have been there, done that in some form or another. Those of us who are stuggling with our weight, body image, health, etc seem to be on a constant path to self improvement and often stray off the path. The trick is to step back on. Sounds like you're on the right track. Be accountable and have a plan to turn it around! Welcome back.

Comment by Dee on August 1, 2012 at 5:43pm: Very honest, and very true for everyone I'm sure. I can soooooooooooooooooooo relate to the ugly, plateau and weight-gain filled days of a weight loss journey. I'm also grateful to my accountability crew (BTL!) so that a nose dive period doesn't turn into, ".Oh yeah, three years ago I was working on weight loss, exercise and eating right. I forget what happened..." At least you know exactly what to do to get back on track, and know that you'll be getting plenty of cheers as you do!

Comment by Paula on August 3, 2012 at 9:06am: I think there are many of us who can truly relate to this post. I for one. I have quit eating well and I've no other excuse other than I just didn't want to. Now I realize just how shitty I've been feeling and have begun to regain ground I lost. It finally sunk in with me too that this is going to be a life long battle. Hate it or not. I think we can do this. We just have to get mad enough that we change things.

Comment by Cindy on August 3, 2012 at 12:18pm: @Paula - We can do this. Down, yes, but NEVER out!

Also, I love your last sentence - 'We just have to get mad enough that we change things.' and I've got it plastered on my desktop as a reminder. I believe this is a part of it. I'm just not mad enough!

Honesty......

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