Ho hum...

Today is one of those days where I feel miserable. I know that I don't want to get on here to complain, I don't want people to feel sorry for me, or bad for me..but it is one of those days. I'm not going to go into all the details but so much in my life has changed the past couple of months...I got a job downstate because I was getting married, decided I wasn't ready to get married, broke off the engagement, didn't take the job (and it was a really good job), and am now back again at my old job 4 1/2 hours from my family. I don't know at this point if I made the right decisions, but I guess time will tell I suppose. I feel like this is a place where I don't feel judged though...I just have been crying all day and can't seem to stop. I hate days like this. I miss my family like crazy today though so I just feel like I need an out so that I can get some things off my mind and maybe one or two of you will through a word or two of encouragement out...

Some days it's hard to keep going and today seems to be one of those days. Don't know why, but it is. Maybe it's because I got a text from my sister's husband...they were all together downstate with my mom and stepdad watching the Tigers in the playoffs having dinner together, etc. I feel left out. And maybe it's because my sister and her husband just got a house. Don't get me wrong. They TOTALLY deserve it. I just feel like they are settled down in their jobs, have each other...maybe a baby on the way sometime in the future...I just wonder if that'll ever happen to me. I know I'm only 26. I know that it's in Gods hands. I know that I am not as patient as I probably could be. And I know that I did have a good guy but I broke it off because I felt like some things were missing. Am I too picky? Do I have too high expectations? Did I make a huge mistake? Maybe I'm not meant to ever settle down....I  do miss my family though more than anything...I have such a good family too. I think about me not taking that job to be closer to them sometimes. Was it a mistake? I don't know....At this point I just want to be with all of them because after all these things happened to me this summer I leaned on my family and friends for a lot of it. 

Blah...today since I felt like crap I ran ten miles. I ran ten miles last weekend too. I believe that a strong body=a healthy mind...sometimes I feel like I have a healthy mind...other times not so much. I would like to still get down to the 140's. I am currently 156. It's depressing because when I went through this junk I went through at the beginning of the summer, I got down to like 146. I felt sickly, depressed, not strong... But I looked good. Do I seriously have to be depressed to get down to the weight that I want? 

Hope tomorrow is a better day! I hate days like today!