Health vs. Vanity

It is starting to sink in.  At my fine age it isn't, can't be about vanity anymore.  When I am on a roll I feel great.  When the runaway train gets going I feel like crap.  Bloated, pressure in my face, sluggish and the aches and pains, oh my gosh.  But even with watching my two parents struggle the same exact way, dad with some health issues solely due to his weight, I am just not getting it.

The immediate comfort and calming affects of the food are too strong.  Eating is literally all I wish to do sometimes.  The thought of getting something delicious into my mouth is euphoric.  The planning, what shall it be tonight?  Mexican, Italian, Japanese?  Rice or pasta, beef or chicken?  It becomes methodical.  The anticipation...then the first bite.

I can understand how people that suffer from drug addiction constantly relapse when going through recovery.  Addiction is a bondage from hell that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I can't keep wishing I had health insurance or money to see my physician.  Or money to join weight watchers because I don't and I won't for a while.  So I have to lean solely on the Lord.  Which is all I should need. 

I really wish I wasn't so big and bulky before seeing so many long lost relatives at Aunt Isabel's funeral on Saturday.

The skirt I bought today was size 16W.  I am too numb to be disgusted.  How, in a matter of 10 years did I go from a 6 to a 16?