Girl Fight!

Man, I have one nasty mindbtch in my head. I had a flawless day for activity and food. I had 3 obstacles to overcome at work, and I did (someone with a bottomless candy bar jar, someone who brought a special treat of almond cranberry bread, and a lunch date with a friend). I had a healthy breakfast, I had half the soda and double the water I normally do, I had a small piece of the bread treat and compensated for it with activity, and I ordered a sensible lunch of beef vegetable soup. I felt GREAT!

What is the first thing that happens when I get off work? My mindbtch immediately thinks of the 4-5 places I could go to a drive-thru and get a hamburger and French fries. In fact, she tried to convince me that a hamburger and French fries would be the tastiest burger and fries I’ve ever experienced. She told me that I deserved it. She told me that I would fail at this attempt at healthy lifestyle just like I have in the past. She told me how much I wanted the grease and the salt. She told me I could hide the wrappers from my family so nobody would know. She told me I could start again tomorrow after breaking with my plan today. She made me want it really bad--aching even. What does it mean that I can be doing so well and be proud of myself and then BAM! Crazies start in? I really wished I understood so I could stop it.

Fortunately, I had a pack of gum in my car. Once I had the gum in my mouth, my craving ceased, I drove past all of the drive-thrus, and went home and had a healthy supper. I feel a little proud of myself for not giving in, but I feel a larger sense of dread that I will be battling her for a long time yet. I hope I have the strength to exterminate her completely, or even reduce her to a soft whisper. But I can’t think about that now. I have to think one day at a time, one choice at a time, and one battle with the mindbtch at a time. Score 1 for me.

**mental note: Fill my car with gum and sugarfree hard candies to help me not crave the drive-thrus on my commute home.

Diary (I'm a grazer, not a big meal eater):

Bran wheat pancakes with Nutella

Brisk 10-minute walk

Almond cranberry bread

Vegetable beef soup

Brisk 10-minute walk

Orange

Apple

Skinny Cow chocolate bar

Brisk 20-minute walk

NutraGrain bar

Salad, granola, yogurt

60 minutes vigorously playing volleyball

2 oranges

2 diet sodas and 2 liters of water for the day