Down, but not out.

If life is a marathon and not a sprint, my marathon just paused for over a month. Stress brings out the bad eater in me and I'm sure a lot of other people. We closed on our first home in April, we lost a car, my youngest daughter and I both got hand, foot and mouth disease and my husband was off of work for a month with an injured back. 

Yes, my marathon took a long pause. I think I detoured to a pizza place and have just been chilling there the past almost 2 months. About a week ago I started noticing pain in my left knee. Pain that a normal weight 29 yr old wouldn't have. Pain that tells me if I keep going at this pace of eating I'm not gonna have these knees the rest of my life. It's a little scary. 

I also lose feeling in my toes from time to time, another scary fact to say out loud. I know why my knees hurt, why my toes go numb sometimes. I know it's all connected to my weight and I know I have the power to change it. Just because I know the solution doesn't mean I'm taking all the right steps to get there. I'm letting my little voice detour me. I'm letting my bad habits get the better of me and using all the excuses I have to keep me down. 

I'm wrapped up in "I just can't" right now. This is the hardest mind set to break through I think. I just can't get up early to go to the gym. I just can't go for a walk right now. I just can't leave that little bit of ice cream in the container. I just can't break free of my own bullshit. 

So I'll pick up tomorrow and try again. Try to work though my crap and wrap my head around not eating a whole bag of chips or better yet not taking the chips home from the store to begin with. Lord, give me strength.