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Do you have any friends like this??

I have a friend -she is a mom of on of my daughter's friends.  This woman is amazing - so sweet, great mom, very giving....all around awesome.  And as you know here comes the big butt!  Well let me step back and just say, it's so sad that when you have a food addiction issue it isn't as easily hidden as say a tendency to drink yourself to sleep each night or to pop a few of your kids' ADD pills to get through the day.  So I digress this woman has seen me about 40 lbs thinner and now at my current (heavy) size.  She does not have a weight problem and is disciplined and yes I admire that.  The issue is - she likes to tell me what she is doing to accomplish her small figure, and worse she likes to tell me how "bad" she feels when she misses a daily walk or eats one too many cookies.  I think it's not just that she shares this with me, I think it's the timing.  She will tell me these things out of the blue like out of no where and I just feel like - well you can see my big butt and that I'm obviously struggling, please don't tell me about how sad you are that your pants are a "little" tight or that you're going to cut out desert and see if that gets rid of your thigh jiggle.  Am I crazy?  I think sometimes she is trying to start a conversation about weight so maybe I can have someone to talk to - I don't really know because like I said she is a super nice person.  I do know that once I lose this weight (and I will) I hope I can be sensitive to those who are struggling and share only if I'm asked about my weight loss.  I know she does not have ill intentions.  I do see food as an addiction for me and I would never go up to an alcoholic and say "I had two sips of a margarita last night and it was just enough you was refreshing but I am totally able to put it down and leave it alone, in fact it was the only alcoholic drink I've had this year".  Not cool!!  Anyway, just a thought and do you have any friends like this?? 

Views: 53

Comment by Paula on October 16, 2011 at 8:24pm

It does amaze me that folks can be thoughtless with weight comments & cruel name calling. I don't think this friend of yours is trying to hurt you, but rather wants you to know she is there if you want to talk. Maybe she had a weight problem and was able to conquer it and she is in maintenance and wants to help you do the same.

Comment by Megan on October 16, 2011 at 9:10pm

I don't have a friend like that but I do have friends that say other things that just roast me inside.  I try to tell myself that they mean well.  Sometimes I just avoid them for a while until I'm not so upset anymore. 

I try very hard not to talk about weight loss or exercise unless I'm asked.

Comment by Cindy on October 16, 2011 at 10:04pm

There are so many people who make weight-related comments or who give those dreaded looks, etc. that can just drive us nuts. I have those friends and family like that.

As painful as it is, I think it's important to remember that everything is relative. Everyone has their own idea of what their weight should be, how they should maintain it or how much they need to lose, exercise, etc. I remember thinking how awful it was that I needed to lose 20 lbs (little did I know). One of my very best friends is about 300 lbs overweight and we frequently discuss weight issues. I really try to be sensitive about how I approach a discussion of losing 70-80 lbs. She said to me once 'I'd give anything to be your weight.' So, I guess it is a matter of perspective. 

I agree with Megan - I don't want to discuss weight or exercise unless someone asks. 

Comment by Sarah on October 16, 2011 at 10:06pm
Thank guys! I agree it's all relative :)
Comment by Keem on October 17, 2011 at 8:58am

I agree--it would seem as though she's trying to sneak in unsolicited dieting advice to you or maybe she wants to be some inspiration to you?
It could also be that she's fishing for compliments--you know the type-all insecure so they say things about themselves so people will insist that they look good.  Maybe she's more insecure than you think-maybe her body image is just as bad or worse than yours?

Comment by Sarah on October 17, 2011 at 12:41pm

Lisa, maybe ask her if she has felt this way, she may not have I might just be oversensitive!!  I just realized I have another friend who kind of does the same thing - she is very tiny but tells me how fat she thinks she is and has asked me about weight watchers before. I've told her that they would probably kick her out lol. I don't really know what to say to these gals - like "oh no you're not fat, I'm a whale".  Sometimes I tell them what I'm doing like as a defense - 'oh I'm on weight watchers blah blah blah' but I shouldn't have to do that, in fact I really don't want to discuss my weight with them. 

Comment by Barbara Carpenter on October 17, 2011 at 1:03pm

I have a co-worker who makes a point of pointing out how she "forgets" to eat.  "Oh look it's 2:00pm, I forgot lunch, I may as well just wait til I get home!", she will announce gaily. She is someone who has been small all her life.  She likes to mention how she hates to exercise and never has.   Meanwhile, I am soooo looking forward the snack I have set aside for the afternoon doldrums, and pretty much I never stop thinking about food somewhere in the back of my mind, much less "forget" to eat.  And as Keem says, I have come to know that she has huge insecurity issues that manifest in her pointing out the ways in which she is better than other people and desperate to have that aknowledged.  So Sarah, it is not you, it is her.  Do not let her distract you from the goals and growth you are going through.

Comment by Sarah on October 17, 2011 at 1:09pm

Oh Barbara, one of these ladies says that to me ALL THE TIME 'I forgot to eat'.  Or 'gee why am I so hungry, I ate an apple for breakfast and yogurt for lunch, I guess I should eat more'.  Oye vey!  I also have to bring a snack to work for the afternoons and I sit there thinking about it  -  sometimes obsessing over what time I should eat it.  I just keep thinking - I know I'm going to obsess about food no matter my weight so when I accomplish my goal I hope I'm a lot more sensitive to others!

Comment by Barbara Carpenter on October 17, 2011 at 1:32pm

Food obsessing can get better as long as we stay conscious and that is exactly what you are doing.  Why does my body beg for food when my brain knows I do not need it?  Why do french fires call my name? When we stay alert and recognise that we can choose, for good reasons, to not eat everytime some urge comes forward, we quiet the voice.  I still think of food alot.  but I know now that a pizza won't save my marriage, that late night french fries won't actually make me a kid again.  And if I am going to obsess, I do it by preparing the damned most elegant low point, low calorie snack or meal I am capable of. 


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