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Bitch-o-rama.
I think it's sad I was really excited to share this with you all, but I have no life and my two kids take up all my day. I had no one else to tell besides my sister and mom. LOL, I need to get out of the house more often...
So, after much debate and "That's not in our PRICE range" talks with my husband, we've decided to rent-to-own a house. Here's the kicker, my mother-in-law and brother-in-law are moving in with us. My BIL is 22 so he'll be out and about after he lives with me for a year. My MIL, on the other hand, has wanted to move in with us since her husband passed away 2 years ago. We had been married for a little under a year and it was an instant "NO!" from me at the time. Now... I don't know. I'm ok with her moving in with us, I guess. That's why we're renting a HUGE mo-fo house.
My dad left us when I was 7 so until I was 15, we were pretty much "homeless." We lived with family and never really bothered to label a house a home unless the three of us (mom, sis and I) were together. To think of living in a 5 bedroom home with 3.5 bathrooms is so crazy to me (and a YARD!). My husband was raised with a lot more money than I was so we are always arguing about what is too expensive and what is affordable. Food wise, it gets on my nerves b/c he's always pushing for steak at the grocery store when our budget is 2.5 the price of the f-ing steak. ANYWAY.
It's been decided and my husband has already talked to both of them. The plan is to save up on the rent they'll be paying us so we can make a down payment on the home a year after we move in. It'll be super nice to have a yard and be able to let the kids tire themselves out. Anxiety wise, I'm not sure. I'm a horrible person, no lie. I can't stand anyone until 2 hours after I wake up (or run) and prioritize cleaning below sleep. I'm also really picky about control, and not having it or thinking a decision is out of my hands really gets my anxiety going.
I'd hate if our living arrangement affected our relationship, but it seems like it's the best decision right now for e/one. I'm praying I can be myself and not make anyone try to kill me in my sleep. Not being able to run and having no time to work out on my own is a bad, bad, bad thing for me and anyone around. I'm like having my own bitch-o-rama show anywhere I go.
I have to start waking up earlier to hit the elliptical and tire my anxious ass out. I can't stand myself some days, I wish I could run again :|
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Comment by Keem on August 1, 2012 at 8:13am -
At least you're aware of the things that could be problematic.
As long as everyone knows to avoid you (or be scarce/no talking) until a certain hour, that might help. Perhaps they could help w/cleaning so you don't get resentful feeling like a maid? I also like control-especially in my own home. I give you credit. Just the thought of someone moving in here gives me anxiety. I don't like having visitors often because I think I psychologically see it as an intrusion upon my "sanctuary"--my place that I can go to get away from things--my private realm. Having a visitor or two isn't a biggie because I can SEE them--but a group of people-especially if they WANDER throughout my home is maddening for me. Total anxiety time mentally-though I try not to show it. That's why I hate hosting holidays here. If people would only stay in one place, it wouldn't be so bad. I can't stand "explorers"-whether it's someone who wants to poke around bedrooms (which I consider personal and private), someone who wants to peek into medicine cabinets, or even look into all of my kitchen cabinets. Ughhhhh.
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Comment by Ali on August 1, 2012 at 9:34am -
We live next door to my in-laws and it has had its ups and downs. It is sort of one of those things in life where every situation is different and you have to do what works. As long as your husband and you have a solid relationship and his mom doesn't interfere with how you stand (he needs to put you first above all else) it could work. Does she have her own room and bathroom? It would be nice if she had her own place to watch tv and stuff so you guys wouldnt' be crowding each other for tv space.
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Comment by Dee on August 1, 2012 at 5:38pm -
I totally understand your concerns, as well as the awesome benefits of moving in together. I agree with Keem and Alison that it will be good to anticipate where things could be difficult and put strategies in place. I think "clashes" are inevitable but they don't have to turn into conflict. You need to be super upfront with everyone about your "sanctuary" (love that Keem) needs- have a designated space and time(s) each day, joke about it if you need to, but everyone needs to know that you know how to be your best self and what that requires. And, your MIL (and BIL) can actually help with that, by being willing to play with the kids while you take an hour to yourself. A couple of times a day. Think honestly about what your needs are, and creatively about how to get them met that makes use of the new situation.
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